Today I woke up and had a brief second where I forgot I was fat – it was bliss. It was like the moment when Carry got a text saying “John” in the Sex and the City finale. Then I realised it was Easter weekend and I probably won’t be able to hold back on the chocolate, leading me to have another week of not seeing any results on the scales. Then I got pissed off.
A couple of thoughts on this one:
1) How often do you think about how fat you are? Isn’t it sad that we think about our figures so often? I wonder if our ancestors spent half as much time thinking about their bodies as we do? Back when I was 21 stone I used to think about my weight every hour… every time I would walk somewhere, every time the weather would get hot outside, every time there was a non-sturdy looking chair, every time there was an amazing Jewish spread on at a Shiva (that Jackie Ash has done it again!!)… the list goes on. The funny thing is, when I got down to my previous goal weight I didn’t exactly stop thinking about my weight, but actually became even more conscious due to my intense vanity (due to being sexy for the first time ever in my life). However, I was really happy about my weight, I thought it was one thing I I’d never have to worry about again. I can’t describe how incredible that feeling was when I stopped thinking about the things I’d been worrying about for 18 years (yes, I was a weight conscious baby). The reason I’m writing about this is that I’m finding myself getting into that dangerous territory again where all I think about is my weight – it’s not a healthy place to be in.
2) Is there ever a good time to be on a diet? This society has done a pretty great job at keeping us all fat. I reckon if you looked at the calendar there would be an event every week that gives you an excuse to eat shit. Oh I can’t be on a diet next week… it’s my best friend’s cousin’s dog’s birthday party. Life has become increasingly more about stuffing our faces. Back on my diet I remember just ‘switching off’ from all of the festivities. Holidays used to be about seeing family, friends and stuffing my face with the available fruits and vegetables. I can’t seem to get that will power back, but i’ll keep on trying.
3) Are you happy? I’ve been a bit grumpy the past couple of weeks and I thought it was other things (work etc.) but actually it’s become quite clear to me today that it’s because of the weight. If I woke up happy because I forgot I was fat… well then it’s probably telling me something. Last time I lost weight there was this switch in my head. One random Wednesday it happened and I didn’t even THINK about bread or chocolate again for 2 years – it just didn’t occur to me. I wonder when that switch will come again? It’s almost as if it needs to get to a point where it’s so terrible it needs to happen. I find it incredibly difficult to lose weight when I know I’ve only got a couple stone to go, but it’s exactly that state of mind that has made me continue to put on weight since I lost 8 stone 4 years ago.
What are your thoughts guys? Cheer me up someone!