How often do you think about how fat you are?

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Today I woke up and had a brief second where I forgot I was fat – it was bliss. It was like the moment when Carry got a text saying “John” in the Sex and the City finale. Then I realised it was Easter weekend and I probably won’t be able to hold back on the chocolate, leading me to have another week of not seeing any results on the scales. Then I got pissed off.

fat_girls_dieting_logic_540

A couple of thoughts on this one:

1) How often do you think about how fat you are? Isn’t it sad that we think about our figures so often? I wonder if our ancestors spent half as much time thinking about their bodies as we do? Back when I was 21 stone I used to think about my weight every hour… every time I would walk somewhere, every time the weather would get hot outside, every time there was a non-sturdy looking chair, every time there was an amazing Jewish spread on at a Shiva (that Jackie Ash has done it again!!)… the list goes on. The funny thing is, when I got down to my previous goal weight I didn’t exactly stop thinking about my weight, but actually became even more conscious due to my intense vanity (due to being sexy for the first time ever in my life). However, I was really happy about my weight, I thought it was one thing I I’d never have to worry about again. I can’t describe how incredible that feeling was when I stopped thinking about the things I’d been worrying about for 18 years (yes, I was a weight conscious baby). The reason I’m writing about this is that I’m finding myself getting into that dangerous territory again where all I think about is my weight – it’s not a healthy place to be in.

2) Is there ever a good time to be on a diet? This society has done a pretty great job at keeping us all fat. I reckon if you looked at the calendar there would be an event every week that gives you an excuse to eat shit. Oh I can’t be on a diet next week… it’s my best friend’s cousin’s dog’s birthday party. Life has become increasingly more about stuffing our faces. Back on my diet I remember just ‘switching off’ from all of the festivities. Holidays used to be about seeing family, friends and stuffing my face with the available fruits and vegetables. I can’t seem to get that will power back, but i’ll keep on trying.

3) Are you happy? I’ve been a bit grumpy the past couple of weeks and I thought it was other things (work etc.) but actually it’s become quite clear to me today that it’s because of the weight. If I woke up happy because I forgot I was fat… well then it’s probably telling me something. Last time I lost weight there was this switch in my head. One random Wednesday it happened and I didn’t even THINK about bread or chocolate again for 2 years – it just didn’t occur to me. I wonder when that switch will come again? It’s almost as if it needs to get to a point where it’s so terrible it needs to happen. I find it incredibly difficult to lose weight when I know I’ve only got a couple stone to go, but it’s exactly that state of mind that has made me continue to put on weight since I lost 8 stone 4 years ago.

What are your thoughts guys? Cheer me up someone!

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17 thoughts on “How often do you think about how fat you are?

    StevenSSWrites said:
    April 18, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    As a current fatty myself, I must say that I identified with your feelings as I read. At my current weight, I’m constantly thinking about how I look every waking moment, and there’s no real “right time” to be on a diet. BUT there comes a point where you have to stop making excuses and basing eating habits around holidays. and if a holiday comes around…WHO CARES!! Indulge for one day…give yourself Easter Sunday only, not the whole weekend. You deserve a treat here and there…you can’t punish yourself because you hate the way you look.

    Also, a kept scale never falters. You can’t weigh yourself all the time. And for crying out loud: don’t measure yourself in stone! I could only imagine the frustration you must feel trying to lose a stone and not seeing any progress. You need a scale to measure that will measure pounds or kilos so that you can actually see the progress as it happens.

    But the bottom line is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I’m exactly like you. When I lost a ton of weight in 2007, I don’t even know what came over me…I just stopped eating shit and started kicking my own ass and it worked! I’ve tried to recapture that magic, and it’s worked twice since then, but it hasn’t truly kicked in right now (which is when I need it to, of course), but I’m not waiting for that magic. I’m FORCING myself to actively not think about food. Its a daily struggle, and I feel you that, but you just have to know that you’re not alone in this battle.

    Don’t get discouraged, FIGHT!

      bigjewonadiet responded:
      April 30, 2014 at 9:44 pm

      Hey Steven – thanks for writing this motivating reply. It helps to see readers out there who are going through the exact same thing as I am. I’ve been fighting and finally started getting back to that healthy mentality. Thanks again for reading 🙂 x

    Tanita said:
    April 18, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    I come from a big family of naturally skinny people. I’ve always been the “chubby” one and it is always on my mind. But since I made the decision a few weeks ago to finally shed those extra pounds, I’ve been working to change that.

    I’ve shifted focus from eating healthily to lose weight, to taking control of my diet for my health. That’s the key. I don’t want my arteries to be clogged up with gunk, or my pancreas to pack in because I eat too much sugar – I want to be healthy. It’s not always easy. In the days and weeks running up to a special occasion, I’m still fretting about what to wear and how to hide my bingo wings. You just have to try to remember that you’re not dieting so that other people will enjoy looking at you. You’re dieting to take control of your body and to live a healthier, happier, longer life.

    And I’m with StevenSSWrites above – enjoy the holidays and get back on the bandwagon tomorrow.

    (I demolished two thirds of an Easter egg yesterday and it felt great! For about 2 minutes until I wanted to vomit. Is there a better way to put yourself off chocolate?)

      bigjewonadiet responded:
      April 30, 2014 at 9:45 pm

      I think you make a really important point – we shouldn’t just be dieting to look good, but our insides need to be healthy as well. For the same reason that I quit smoking half a year ago, I need to think of food as doing the same amount of damage. Only issue is that it’s not as obviously bad for me!

      Keep reading 🙂 x

    aphroditeattitude said:
    April 18, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    You are definitely NOT alone in the “I’m fat” trap. I used to think about my weight all the time. I obsessed over every little thing I ate. When I had a scale in my house, I had to have stepped on it at least 5 times a day! Then my blessing in disguise happened – I fell and severely injured my knee and back.

    I couldn’t move without extreme agony, so getting on the scale was not gonna happen. Not only that I had to revamp my diet. Normally for breakfast, I’d reach for a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch or something, but I could only muster enough strength to eat single-serve cups of Greek yogurt or grab a quick protein shake. After a few months, I felt so much better and I completely forgot I had a scale in my house and when I saw it one day, I immediately threw it away and that felt SO AMAZING!!

    Diets NEVER work. The best thing you can do is focus on the overall health benefits of whatever you decide to eat and then celebrate the fact you made a choice to eat healthy. Unfortunately for me, I had to go through my recovery to realize that.

    I realize now that I’m no Kate Moss and I NEVER WANT TO BE!! That epiphany was a long time coming, but now I work hard to never let it go.

    I guess what I’m saying is that what you’re going through is totally normal, but you ABSOLUTELY WILL defeat this mindset. Just remember to take it one day at a time and celebrate each time you are able to compliment yourself for making healthy decisions.

    Good luck!! 🙂

      bigjewonadiet responded:
      April 30, 2014 at 9:47 pm

      Hey thanks for the comment. Moral of the story is to throw myself down the stairs and injure my knee and back… haha. Only kidding. Thanks for the motivating words… that’s what my blog is all about 🙂 Keeping people inspired.

      Keep reading and well done on the health transformation x

    Michelle Crowe said:
    April 18, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    This preoccupation with looks is most likely an artificial construct. I bet our early hunter gatherer ancestors purposely stored fat for survival. These days, we should be concerned about our weight from a health perspective. As you wrote, there’s a lot of crap out there to be eaten. What many people do not realize is that crap is slowly killing them.

    mahalramos said:
    April 18, 2014 at 4:36 pm

    I can relate to what you wrote. It is especially difficult to make fitness/weight mgmt a priority now that my body is older and I just have surmounting responsibilities that have nothing to do with my health. I think I’m working on accepting my “seasons of weight” and making the adjustments from there. If I need to sleep, I sleep more. If I need to have more cookies, I have a couple more. I also noticed that I have been avoiding taking pictures because I don’t want to see the second chin or puffy arms.

    I’ve had people bark all types of suggestions about what to eat, what kind of exercise, etc. But only YOU will understand what you can manage, including the triggers that lure you the particular foods that you enjoy or avoid. Confronting my weight and making my fitness a priority had to be REAL. which meant I had to spend time with myself and not for nothing, that’s not always my favorite person, know what i mean?

    I learned that the weight loss / fitness issue is a lifestyle change, which, to me, means it progresses at a lifestyle pace. It will be one loving choice at a time. And an occasional indulgence that gives us the permission to balance it out later. After dealing with my own health issues, I learned I don’t want to go BACK to what i used to be. I had to embrace to be SOMEONE NEW (and preferably 25lbs lighter!) Hope this encouraged you in some way. Cheering you on!

      bigjewonadiet responded:
      April 30, 2014 at 9:49 pm

      Great comment – thanks for sharing your experience. Are you at the end of your journey yet or still going?

      Keep reading 🙂 x

        mahalramos said:
        April 30, 2014 at 10:40 pm

        My journey is still going – more like a long layover at an airport terminal. I was a mad scientist w/tracking meals for 6 months then work stole my devotions. But I think balancing those seasons is what makes this effort very real and not a hyped commercial with a 6-second time lapse and miraculous abs. My most recent lesson: impulse control and recognizing just how much sugar is a part of my life – so much so that it should start paying rent! Biggups to you on your journey!

    Hi, I'm Nicola said:
    April 20, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    This is such a great post and the replies are fab too- its great to read other peoples experiences along the same lines as my own. I agree with basically what everyone else has said- it has to be a case of your mindset changing- forget about “losing weight” and think of being healthier with weight loss as an added benefit. I usually get fed up when being too restrictive, which ends in a binge and then “oh, I’ve ruined this week I’ll start again next week”…… and 3 months later I’m still eating crap!

    What seems to have changed this time round for me is that I have accepted that while some people can drop 4lb per week, I am a 1lb per week girl (if that!) but anything off is better than anything ON! I have accepted that it is not going to come off in a month, for me it is more likely to take a year (or more)- but I am taking the scenic route, I don’t live off salad or count calories, I have a bit of cake with friends, I have the odd lunch out or tasty treats- but my “switch” has been to realise that these things are “treats”, they have not ruined my progress, they’re not an excuse to keep binging on rubbish, they are not worth feeling guilty about- then just get back on the healthy eating straight away after and don’t take the piss by having a “treat” every day 😉

    Another thing that works for me….. Similar to what Tanita writes- any time I have had a bit of a binge, I always feel awful afterwards- really tired, lethargic, “heavy”, bloated etc etc and I always reflect on how crappy that binge has made me feel and how I must have felt like that pretty much most of the time a few months ago- it always puts me off for a few weeks at least!

    Anyway, loving your blog, keep up the good work x

    Modern With A Vintage Feel said:
    April 22, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    1) I think about it all the time.

    2) We live in a society that is ridiculously food focused. “Foodies”, dinner parties, potlucks, etc. I planned my juice fast so that it was between holidays and I wouldn’t have to miss anything. But, I’m also thinking lately that while there is never a good time to diet, it isn’t a good time when you are feeling unhealthy. I am trying to get to where you were (holidays were about seeing family and friends instead of eating) but it’s hard when so many people make such incredible but unhealthy foods.

    3) I have been in the same boat the past few weeks. First thing in the morning is hard. Finding clothes to wear is hard. BUT! I’m happy today. I’m making those positive changes that make me feel happy when I wake up in the morning (well, this morning lol). Sometimes I feel like I need to hit rock bottom too (repeatedly). But I’m trying to remind myself that I KNOW what rock bottom feels like and I don’t have to go there (and gain weight, get further away from my goals, and get even more upset) to change things.

    I hope you are feeling better today and thing are looking up!

      bigjewonadiet responded:
      April 30, 2014 at 9:51 pm

      Hey sorry I’m only getting round to replying to your wonderful comment. I felt immediately better after reading some of these comments the day after. It’s just one of those things where I need to ignore the food at events and have the weight loss mind-set on. I need to get the magic feeling of losing weight back for it to out-balance eating yummy, bad-for-you food. x

    schlippo said:
    April 26, 2014 at 9:05 pm

    I think about my weight constantly. I was an athlete in my youth and I never had to think about calorie intake. Every morsel of food that I consumed was burned off and I was as lean as a signpost. After a career-ending injury, I started to pile on the pounds because my eating and drinking habits were tailored for a very active lifestyle. I put on 15 pounds or so in the first few months after the injury. My girlfriend at the time finally said to me “how do you think I like being seen with a guy who has a gut?” That was devastating, and was the beginning of me being hyper aware of my body as well as my feelings of intense shame and self-loathing. I’ve been up to 260 pounds, back down to 188 and currently I’m at about 208. Every day that I see myself in the mirror, I feel shame. Every time I see a photograph of myself, I want to burn it.

      bigjewonadiet responded:
      April 30, 2014 at 9:53 pm

      This is one of the most honest comments yet on my blog. From previous experience I’ll tell you that the feeling of losing weight at some point will outweigh the need to eat shit and be lazy. Sometimes it’s difficult to kick start that process as you’re in such a downward spiral of comfort eating. P.S. your girlfriend at the time sounds like a WHORE 🙂 x

    shrinkingwmn said:
    April 28, 2014 at 3:46 am

    Hi, loving the blog!
    (1) I think about my weight every minute of the day, unless I am sleeping that is lol When I watch tv, I think about how I’ll never look as good as the women on tv, when I read a book I think about how looking down is probably creating a double chin or how the scrunched up position I am in makes my tummy rolls even larger looking, even when I am dressed nice and look semi-ok I am constantly thinking about what angle are people looking at me from and how fat do I look from that angle. It’s exhausting but also so automatic I don’t think I’ll ever stop.
    (2) For me, the best time to go on a diet, or “healthy lifestyle plan” is when I’ve hit rock bottom. About 4 years ago I hit rock bottom, just decided one day after work that screw this, I’m sick of being like this, I’m doing something to fix it, I spent the next two days organizing stuff and then started weight watchers, lost 35lbs on that before I hit a nasty plateau. Since then I have been struggling to lose more fat, build muscle, become lean. Without a solid plan to follow, like WW, I find holidays and special occasions easier to screw up because I don’t have rules to follow except for what I have made for myself and it is easy to ignore my own rules lol When on WW I didn’t struggle with the holidays. There will always be an occasion that can trip your weight loss journey up if you let it, the trick is to figuring out how to not let it and that trick is different for everyone – imo.
    (3) Pfft, no! Happy looking like this? Feeling like this? Being embarassed of myself and ashamed and wondering just how badly people are judging me at all times? Definitely not happy. But will finally hitting my goals make me happy or will I just become super paranoid about maintaining? I’m betting on the super paranoid! In my early 20s, before I gained any of this weight I was naturally thin, then I somehow lost some weight, unintentionally, but I really liked the results, I then became paranoid about keeping it off and thus began my obsession with fitness and food. I over trained and injured my knee so badly it took over a year to be able to walk, I gained a lot of weight during that year and it took until that fed up day 4 years ago for me to finally do something about it – granted, I did have to wait a long time before I could do anything more impressive than walk slowly with a major limp but still! I could have been more careful with food but I wasn’t, shrug, and now I’m still trying to fix it.
    I really hope one day I can be at my goal body, not be obsessed and constantly thinking about it, and be happy – it’s a happy dream to reach for 🙂

      bigjewonadiet responded:
      April 30, 2014 at 9:56 pm

      Thanks for the amazing reply! Everything you said I can completely relate to. It helps to know there are others out there 🙂 x

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