Top 10 worst diet foods

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Fat people get themselves into a right pickle (no pun intended). Why should we be forced to eat horrible diet food just because we’ve slightly overindulged on the way up? Skinny people don’t have 1 calorie dressing, so neither should we. I’ve been thinking about the foods which are essentially great for you on a diet, but are so horrifically tasteless/bitter/non-creamy that it makes you want to cry tears of 1-cal cooking spray. Here’s a list of diet foods which will make any dieter think ‘you know what… i’d rather just be fat for the rest of my life’.

All comments welcome – do you guys agree?

1. Cottage Cheese 

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Cottage cheese is like cheese’s version of those two girls who didn’t make it into the club in Kevin & Perry Go Large. The worst bit… it looks deceivingly creamy so it’s actually quite a sneaky cheese

2. Rice cakes 

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Cakes are meant to have buttercream slathered all over them with a chocolate ganache or something – they are not meant to be dry disks of unhappiness.

3. Ryvita

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Staying with the sad cracker theme… I don’t believe anyone who actually goes out of their way to enjoy Ryvita. Yes the women in the advert seem so happy, but it’s only because they’re fucking the gardner and Botoxed to the max. soz.

4. Any Weight Watchers meal

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It’s become a well known fact that the Weight Watchers range is half food half objects you’d find around the house (wallpaper paste, glue, soap etc.). Sorry guys but the only wallpaper this Big Jew is eating is the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory wallpaper. Yum

5. Celery

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This one doesn’t even need an explanation. If God had wanted us to have celery he would have made it more like an avocado.

6. Egg-whites

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Getting rid of the yolk is like getting ride of sunshine. The other day I was forced to get rid of a double-yolker… I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself. In all seriousness though there is a pretty great healthy eating book called ‘Eat the Yolks‘ which goes against this LA-no-yolk culture that has become popular over the past 10 years.

7. New potato 

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There’s nothing new about this potato. It’s dull, boring and makes your mouth go dry. Yes they’re delicious when covered in rosemary and butter… but a piece of poo would be nice covered in rosemary and butter.

8. Extra Light Mayonnaise 

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You’ll taste more chemicals in this tube than in Walter White’s Blue Sky (Big Blue, Blue Magic, Fring’s Blue)

9. 1-cal cooking spray

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Yes it makes things not stick to the pan as much, but are you going to pretend that it tastes anything as good as oil? Lurpak have just launched ‘Cooking Mist’… as if i didn’t have enough trouble resisting that stuff in solid form.

10. Finally…. DUST

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Readers – what are your worst foods you dread on a diet?

BJOD x

 

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10 thoughts on “Top 10 worst diet foods

    jennslife22 said:
    May 31, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    Kale lol super healthy, but does not taste good at all. I wrote a blog about it if you wanna check it out!

    alifemoment said:
    May 31, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    Lol, I hate celery,too. I really can’t stand the flavour!!! 🙂

    Jessie said:
    May 31, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    ha I consider rice cakes a vehicle for delivering copious amounts of peanut butter which completely takes away the low-cal aspect!

    mpwilson said:
    May 31, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    Can’t stand rice cakes or cottage cheese, but absolutely love celery for some reason. Yeah it’s bland and a bit tasteless but is great filler when making a salad.. though tastes better with a bit of peanut butter on it lol

    Lisa said:
    May 31, 2014 at 7:27 pm

    Haha, this was hilarious and so true!

    sokebe said:
    May 31, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    BJOD? While you and I disagree on cottage cheese (although low/no-fat versions do suck), you are clearly my brother in all other areas. Sigh… why can’t we just wake up slim, healthy and happy? (and if our bodies were unable to process chocolate – taste it, but not convert it to fat – I’d be in Heaven!)

    Dina Hansen said:
    May 31, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    Love this article. I have a few more. Dark chocolate- somehow the milk chocolate is so much better. Plain popcorn- it tastes awful until you add butter or chocolate or caramel….. Low fat cheese- the taste must come from the fat because low fat cheese doesn’t taste like anything. 

    Auntie Dina

    Zaynab Alsalus said:
    June 1, 2014 at 8:45 am

    The thing is you can eat all the unhealthy delicious things your heart can desire as long as it is in ridiculously small portions. Like just one piece of pizza which is equally tortuous as eating cottage cheese, because no one can just eat one piece of pizza and be happy about it.

    alexj said:
    June 1, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    A lot of superfoods taste minging. Do you want some “Spirulina” in that? Its got a great natural source of protein and omega fatty acids and its really great for a diet. There’s a catch though, it tastes so bad it might destroy your taste buds forever.

    rawfooddiaries said:
    June 6, 2014 at 11:05 am

    You may as well eat polystyrene if you’re going to eat rice cakes. I do like cottage cheese and celery though 🙂

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