Fat people get themselves into a right pickle (no pun intended). Why should we be forced to eat horrible diet food just because we’ve slightly overindulged on the way up? Skinny people don’t have 1 calorie dressing, so neither should we. I’ve been thinking about the foods which are essentially great for you on a diet, but are so horrifically tasteless/bitter/non-creamy that it makes you want to cry tears of 1-cal cooking spray. Here’s a list of diet foods which will make any dieter think ‘you know what… i’d rather just be fat for the rest of my life’.
All comments welcome – do you guys agree?
1. Cottage Cheese
Cottage cheese is like cheese’s version of those two girls who didn’t make it into the club in Kevin & Perry Go Large. The worst bit… it looks deceivingly creamy so it’s actually quite a sneaky cheese
2. Rice cakes
Cakes are meant to have buttercream slathered all over them with a chocolate ganache or something – they are not meant to be dry disks of unhappiness.
Staying with the sad cracker theme… I don’t believe anyone who actually goes out of their way to enjoy Ryvita. Yes the women in the advert seem so happy, but it’s only because they’re fucking the gardner and Botoxed to the max. soz.
4. Any Weight Watchers meal
It’s become a well known fact that the Weight Watchers range is half food half objects you’d find around the house (wallpaper paste, glue, soap etc.). Sorry guys but the only wallpaper this Big Jew is eating is the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory wallpaper. Yum
This one doesn’t even need an explanation. If God had wanted us to have celery he would have made it more like an avocado.
Getting rid of the yolk is like getting ride of sunshine. The other day I was forced to get rid of a double-yolker… I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself. In all seriousness though there is a pretty great healthy eating book called ‘Eat the Yolks‘ which goes against this LA-no-yolk culture that has become popular over the past 10 years.
7. New potato
There’s nothing new about this potato. It’s dull, boring and makes your mouth go dry. Yes they’re delicious when covered in rosemary and butter… but a piece of poo would be nice covered in rosemary and butter.
8. Extra Light Mayonnaise
You’ll taste more chemicals in this tube than in Walter White’s Blue Sky (Big Blue, Blue Magic, Fring’s Blue)
9. 1-cal cooking spray
Yes it makes things not stick to the pan as much, but are you going to pretend that it tastes anything as good as oil? Lurpak have just launched ‘Cooking Mist’… as if i didn’t have enough trouble resisting that stuff in solid form.
10. Finally…. DUST
Readers – what are your worst foods you dread on a diet?