I was meant to lose 4 stone by summer…. that’s great and all but we’re on the 14th of June now and I’ve lost 4 pounds. Maybe I meant Australian summer. Anywho – most people love the fact summer is coming… short shorts on, guns out etc. but for the average fatty sun is like Kryptonite. Here are BJOD’s 5 reasons why fat people and sun don’t get on:
1. Beaches make me sad… and I’m not even talking about the Bette Midler version (only gays would get that joke)
The thin person rules on the beach. Their life spent in the gym finally pays off when they go on holiday and hit the sandy shores. For the average fat person however, it’s incredibly how many places you will find sand in 2 months later. I came back from Dubai about 4 months ago and still finding sand in my belly button.
2. Walking 1 minute in the heat gives you sweat patches
In summer I sneeze and I get a sweat patch. It’s literally impossible to go about your daily activities without being wetter than Kinga from BB6’s champagne bottle. Lol.
3. The great BBQ conundrum
BBQ can actually be a really healthy way of grilling nice and lean chicken with salad on the side. Mmm healthy. However it’s also a good excuse to get the ribs on, get the buns and cheese out, and have curly fucking fries on the side. All the best BBQ food is bad for you… burgers with cheese, coleslaw, pasta salad. Mmm mama’s gettin’ hungry!
You forgot that the shorts you wore last year all had rips down the crotch
I kid you not this always happens to me! When I was getting ready for Dubai I threw two pairs of shorts in my suitcase only to remember when I got there that I had previously ripped them down the crotch the previous summer. Whoops
5. You hate seeing thin people happy
There’s nothing that makes me more sick than seeing some hench sexy man walking down the street in a vest. It just makes me eat more.
Tell me guys, what do you hate about summer?