food

Big Jew goes to Chiltern Firehouse

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The name Chiltern Firehouse escalated quicker than the countries hatred for Perez Hilton in his tiny little speedos (seriously why does he carry round a gym water bottle with him everywhere he goes?!)…. and that’s saying something! Being a Big Jew on a diet  I naturally wanted to try it out. Overall, it’s a cool place, but I think people go for the name rather than the food. This is most likely due to the fact that their main clientele (from what I could see) were coke-addicted ladies who leisure. By leisure I mean throw up their food. So, yes the food was great (especially the desserts I hasten to add), but it’s more of a place to be seen – rather than unbelievably delicious food, especially as it cost dolla dolla bill.

To start we had some bar snacks. Cornbread fingers which came with what I thought was butter but turned out to be bacon fat, sweet corn type thingy. Unbelievably delicious. Not very Big Jew on a diet. Oh well. We also had crab donuts. Crab in a donut! Now I’ve heard everything.

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For starters I ordered Jerusalem artichoke and truffle, Charlie ordered sea trout sashimi. Charlie thought the sea trout tasted of pussy (not that he’d know), so I switched with him. It did indeed taste of pussy (not that I’d know either). Anyway, I still managed to polish off the whole thing. The J’Slam artichoke was delicious and would get again. Seeing as neither of us like pussy, I wouldn’t get the sea trout again. I forgot to take a picture of the sea trout as I was so overwhelmed with the pussy thing. Here’s the artichoke – it had a creamy thing on top with hazelnuts and truffle:

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Then came the mains. I had salmon which was sweet, yet salty and delicious. Charlie had monkfish (the most expensive thing on the menu – dick). It was worth it though. Although really rich, it had a great balance of textures and flavour flaves.

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For dessert we had the salted chocolate tart which was insane and “milk and honey” which was even more insane. Milk and honey comprised of honey jelly, milk ice-cream and honeycomb bits. It was sensational. I’d go back just for the desserts… and the bar snacks…. and the salmon.

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To wrap things up, I loved it. It’s pricey, but worth it. Overall, I give it 8 Star of Davids.

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Don’t want flesh unless you got buns hun

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I hope you got the Nicki Minaj reference there – if not then get off my blog ASAP – unless you’re my mum – you’re allowed

So I decided to take a break from my evergreen diet and visit Flesh & Buns, which has been top of my list for a while now. It’s sister restaurant Bone Daddies is only like my favourite place ever in London (see blog post here for that BigJew Review, to which I gave 7 Stars of Davids).

The restaurant it’s pretty London genezza – dark, loud, hot gay waiters. However, one of the refreshing differences about F&B is the menu variety – this isn’t your standard 2 item menu that’s so popular at the moment. I wouldn’t call this place Japanese, more like everything you love about every asian food you can think of – sweet, sticky, crispy, salty, coriandery – mixed with a burger joint.

To start we had Chicken Wings (almost as good as the Patty & Bun ones) – they were crispy on the outside, soft on the inside and coated in a sweet, sour sesame sauce. I stole the picture below from another blog because I was too engrossed on eating them that I forgot to take a picture soz. They were probs the best thing we had there. The seafood ceviche was nice & fresh, but pretty irrel if you asked me. The sushi was above the shit you’d get from Tesco, but not quite Nobu.

Bowlful of glistening Korean chicken wings at Flesh & Buns

Now to the flesh & bun bit – they serve you sticky bun things like you’d get in a dim sum place and then you shove different fillings in. We ordered pork, duck & salmon. All three were pretty good – the pork was soft and sweet with the apple puree and the duck was like a souped-up version of your standard duck pancakes. My favourite was the salmon actually – crisp, soft and tasted like hoisin-teryaki. It was boom.

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Overall it’s definitely worth a visit. It’s new and interesting. However, putting my BigJew hat on I’d say that it was quite overpriced for what it was and don’t go hungry. I give it 6 Stars of Davids.

Fully fat vs. fully fake?

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Ever wondered if you can tell the difference between full-fat vs. light products? The R&D Division of BJOD enterprises put it to the test. The results will change the way you look at cream cheese forever.

What light products do you like the most? What makes the best substitute?

Enjoy x

New Video – 5 pounds in 5 months

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Hey guys – new video! It’s been a while.

If you guys have any real weight loss tips, feel free to share 🙂

I’m back bitches

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Last Friday I went to register with a new doctor. Simple enough I thought. Until I saw this health-computer-booth thingy which took my measurements. I had to weigh myself as part of the new application. Shit. I’ve been avoiding scales for weeks now. Anyway, I stood on them and was greeted with this: 

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Even a machine judges me! This was a huge wake up call to sort it out and get back on track. For all my lovely readers, I apologise for letting you down by not writing (or dieting) for the past month. I admit it I fell off the fat bandwagon. Buttercream got the best of me. I’ve managed to lose 6 pounds in 5 months. If I carry on at this rate it will take me 3 years to get to my goal weight. That doesn’t take into account all of the buttercream events such as Christmas, Birthdays, Best friends birthdays, bad days at work, good days at work, boring days at work, busy days at work. Basically I’m fucked all year round because buttercream is good for all events (even shivas). I just need to bring back that motivation. I’ve been slightly embarrassed to write for a while due to my lack of results, but this blog is built on honesty. Therefore I can honestly tell you that actually I’ve only lost 5 pounds. Soz. However I’m pleased to tell you that I’ve been back on it for 3 days now… I even had minestrone soup for lunch. So old school. 

Anyway, if anyone is still out there, thanks for sticking with 🙂

 

Rosemary Lemon flame-grilled chicken kebabs

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Summer grillin’ having a blaaasstt, summer grillin’ happens so fassttttt. I met a chicken crazy for meeee, I met a marinade crazy for the chickennnn. Summer days, grillin’ away, to uh-oh those grillin’ nights.

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Charlie and I have been visiting his family in Aberfeldy, Scotland. It’s bang in the middle of the Scottish country side and we had incredible luck with the weather. Summer is a great excuse to get the grill out. If it were up to me I’d grill everything. It’s a great, healthy way to cook with lots of flavour. No frying involved and it’s certainly more excited than baking. Here’s my recipe for lemon and rosemary flame-grilled chicken kebabs:

Yield: 4 hungry Jews
Ingreds:
Chicken (enough for 4 hungry Jews)
The vegetables of your desires (I like red onion, red pepper and mushroom)
Marinade – 1 splash of olive oil, 1 lemon, 1 tbsp. honey, 1 tbsp. mustard, rosemary, salt, pepper, paprikakaka

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Method to the madness

1. Cut the chicken and vegetables into cubes and place them on skewers. If you’re a peasant and only have wooden skewers make sure you soak them in water before so they don’t burn like a mofo
2. Pour over the summer grillin’ marinade. Marinade overnight if you can
3. Throw on the grill and serve with salad, corn on the cob and haloumizzle

P.s. Here are some summer pics of me and Charlie 🙂

Charlie popped a val before a 40 minute flight… certainly made for a fun flight:

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Extreme Diet Clinics Trailer

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Hey guys apologies but I’ve been busy like a mofo. Anywho, here at BJOD, we’ve decided to go behind the scenes at some of London’s most extreme diet clinics. The doc is a work in progress but here is a trailer to give you guys a taster… if you’ll pardon the pun.

 

 

My Rockin’ Moroccan Chicken

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Guys,

Apologies for the lack of posts recently, I’ve been horrifically busy at work. I know being busy at work is no excuse for not being good on a diet… but it kinda is bitches. Anywho, I hate to be all Jamie’s 15 minute meals, but I actually want to share with you my Moroccan chicken recipe that is both healthy yet delicious and easy to cook.

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Yield: 4 hungry Jews

Ingreds – it may sound like a lot but don’t be freaked out

8 chicken thighs – skin on, bone in – sounds hot right
2 onions
3 cloves garlic – everyone at work will love you the next day
1 small stem of ginger
1 tbsp. honey
1 tbsp. cinnamon
1 tbsp. cumin
Shit loads of chopped coriander – I know sick people out there are corianderphobes… I feel bad for you
2 cans chick peas
3 sweet potatoes or 1 butternut chopped up
Apricots, prunes or raisons or all of it
3 cans of chopped tomatoes

Method to the madness:

1. Make the rockin’ paste – blitz together onion, garlic, ginger. Brown off with oil, honey, cinnamon, cumin
2. Throw some chicken into the mix. Brown it off. If you don’t brown the chicken your dish will taste of pishy water.
3. Once everything has been browned throw in the chopped tomatoes, chick peas, dried fruit, sweet potato or butternut
4. Right now the mixture will be a mix watery mess. Cover and put in the oven on 180 Degrees C for 30 mins.
5. After 30 mins everything will be cooked but you’ll want to reduce the water content a little bit to enhance/concentrate all those delicious flavour flaves.
6. Serve with cous cous, chopped almonds & fresh coriander

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Top 10 worst diet foods

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Fat people get themselves into a right pickle (no pun intended). Why should we be forced to eat horrible diet food just because we’ve slightly overindulged on the way up? Skinny people don’t have 1 calorie dressing, so neither should we. I’ve been thinking about the foods which are essentially great for you on a diet, but are so horrifically tasteless/bitter/non-creamy that it makes you want to cry tears of 1-cal cooking spray. Here’s a list of diet foods which will make any dieter think ‘you know what… i’d rather just be fat for the rest of my life’.

All comments welcome – do you guys agree?

1. Cottage Cheese 

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Cottage cheese is like cheese’s version of those two girls who didn’t make it into the club in Kevin & Perry Go Large. The worst bit… it looks deceivingly creamy so it’s actually quite a sneaky cheese

2. Rice cakes 

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Cakes are meant to have buttercream slathered all over them with a chocolate ganache or something – they are not meant to be dry disks of unhappiness.

3. Ryvita

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Staying with the sad cracker theme… I don’t believe anyone who actually goes out of their way to enjoy Ryvita. Yes the women in the advert seem so happy, but it’s only because they’re fucking the gardner and Botoxed to the max. soz.

4. Any Weight Watchers meal

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It’s become a well known fact that the Weight Watchers range is half food half objects you’d find around the house (wallpaper paste, glue, soap etc.). Sorry guys but the only wallpaper this Big Jew is eating is the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory wallpaper. Yum

5. Celery

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This one doesn’t even need an explanation. If God had wanted us to have celery he would have made it more like an avocado.

6. Egg-whites

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Getting rid of the yolk is like getting ride of sunshine. The other day I was forced to get rid of a double-yolker… I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself. In all seriousness though there is a pretty great healthy eating book called ‘Eat the Yolks‘ which goes against this LA-no-yolk culture that has become popular over the past 10 years.

7. New potato 

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There’s nothing new about this potato. It’s dull, boring and makes your mouth go dry. Yes they’re delicious when covered in rosemary and butter… but a piece of poo would be nice covered in rosemary and butter.

8. Extra Light Mayonnaise 

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You’ll taste more chemicals in this tube than in Walter White’s Blue Sky (Big Blue, Blue Magic, Fring’s Blue)

9. 1-cal cooking spray

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Yes it makes things not stick to the pan as much, but are you going to pretend that it tastes anything as good as oil? Lurpak have just launched ‘Cooking Mist’… as if i didn’t have enough trouble resisting that stuff in solid form.

10. Finally…. DUST

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Readers – what are your worst foods you dread on a diet?

BJOD x

 

Sarah Millican and her ugly BAFTA dress – STOP THE PRESS

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Sarah Millican has been in the press today about her awful experience at the BAFTAs last year after people ripped her to shreds over the dress she was wearing. She says “I’m sorry. I thought I had been invited to such an illustrious event because I am good at my job… Why does it matter so much what I was wearing? I felt wonderful in that dress. And surely that’s all that counts.” I love the statement Sarah makes – she’s a comedian who was invited to the BAFTAs and felt uncomfortable on the red carpet but did it anyway, only to have her evening ruined by trolls on Twitter. It’s stories like this which absolutely need a big shout out on my blog. Hands up for being the person who loved what they were wearing to the party but got made fun of.

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I think it’s so easy for us to forget how vulnerable people can be. When I saw this picture all I thought of was my mum and how upset she’d be if she had the same response. We’ve all become too used to slagging people off behind the anonymity of the computer screen. It relates back to my previous post pretty hurts, we’re piling too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. It’s stories like this which remind me of why this is. It’s become way too easy to put someone down over the internet and the people who are getting put down lash out to other people – it’s a nasty cycle of put-downs. It’s making everyone unnecessarily self conscious. I’ve looked at some of the Twitter users who slagged off Sarah… not to add to the cycle myself, but actually they’re all pretty average-looking girls too.

Next time you think about putting someone down (over the internet or not) remember that they’re just as vulnerable as you. They hate their stomach just as much as you. Not to get too gay over it, but I actually think she looked lovely. I’m proud of her 🙂

Read more here

BJOD x